Wow a second post for the day! Look at me go. Well I had 2 minor b/p's today which I haven't done in a while it feels like. Well they were each about 500cals or less each. But that was before noon. I haven't eaten since. I don't know why that happens to me. I don't get hungry at all after like 1 or 2pm. I don't need any food for the rest of the day and night. My jean shorts can slide off of me while done up. That's an improvement. I'm scared of the scale. Fat fat fat is all it will say. I must keep dieting, even during spring break. 500 cals a day and nothing more. I have many excuses, I'm way too fat for anyone to care what I eat and it's my body. Not to mention the fucking madness going on in my head! I want to fucking scream and cry and cut and drink and indulge in endless amounts of drugs. Fucking fat disgusting worthless piece of shit that I am.
Ugh. Anyway, so that guy. He keeps texting me wanting to make small talk and shit. Um no dude. We aren't going to date. Never. I don't fucking date. I don't even have sober one night stands. I have drunk hookups that take the pain away. I don't want to get involved. I hate cuddling more than anything and never ever tell me you're going to change me. You can't. I am the way I am and no stranger is going to change that. Why do these people walk into my life and think they can make everything okay?! I don't need to be saved assholes! I just need to be saved from me. I don't want your love. I don't want anything from you. You don't have to do anything for me. I never asked you to, so don't assume you know me and make these decisions. It's bullshit and you know it. Well I'm off to go bake a cake (not eating it of course) and to drink away a bottle.
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